Many of us go through transitions and changes in our lives. Sometimes those transitions can improve our life and at other times, they can impede our lives. I had been really cognizant about listening to what goes on around me, but I hadn't been listening to the messages my body was sending me. Whether I chose to consciously ignore them or I didn't hear them is debatable.
Back in May, my husband and I visited the Cape for a few days for our anniversary. I knew this 'down time' would be beneficial for me as I had been recoveing from some pulled muscles that were very painful. It took a few weeks, but I felt I was on the mend. The ocean air, the salt water and the time away did wonders not only for my soul, but for my emotional wellbeing as well.
On the very last day of our time there, I awoke that morning at 5 AM and I could feel the guidance being 'downloaded' to me from a higher realm. Call it God, Angels, intuition.....I prefer to call it Divine Guidance. The guidance was coming from many sources that was higher than my own consciousness.
I had been told and shown that unless I start taking better care of my body, mind and soul, I would not be around pass age 50. That is enough to scare anyone. You see, many family members have passed on before the age of 60 in my family, and so I have lived with this time clock for a long time. I had decided a long time ago that I was not going to let my biography dictate my biology. I was not buying into the 'I won't live pass age 60' mentality.
But, that morning, I could sense the seriousness of it all and I actually got out of bed and journaled all the information that was given to me so I wouldn't forget it. For those of you who are not sure what automatic writing is, I will briefly explain. Automatic writing is writing down (or typing) information, guidance, intuition that you are hearing/feeling without allowing your own consciousness into the process. It is as if you close your eyes and the fingers fly across the keyboard as if you have no control over what is being typed or if you are writing it, you have no control over your writing instrument.
When I read what was typed, I was shocked. The details were specific and the information timely. The crux of it all was that things are changing and that I need to take my own healing journey right now before I can help anyone else.
All my life I focused on caring for everyone else, but having to take care of me seemed very foreign. As I mentioned, I was 'out of commission' for several weeks with a muscle injury and I was sidelined. I had to stop, which is difficult for someone like me. When I look back several years, I see that Divine Guidance has stepped in a number of times and kind of 'forces' you to stop if you aren't listening to their guidance. I was 'out of commission' several times over the last few years and it all coincides with life events happening in my life and my inability to focus on healing them.
So, this time the 'warning' scared me. That morning, before we left, when I was down by the waters edge, the information and guidance I received touched my soul. I was hoping that this euphoric feeling would carry me for the rest of my life. I was worried that when I got back to 'life' at home, I would forget the guidance and fall back into old habits. And, that is exactly what happened. It was as if someone turned a switch and it was gone.
I went back to old habits, unhealthy choices and had forgotten my promise to take better care of myself.
On the weekend of June 24th, we were camping and I awoke in the middle of the night in excruciating pain in my left leg. This is the same leg that I had trouble with (and had healed) a month earlier. We ended up coming home early because of the pain. To say I was disappointed, is an understatement. I am still fighting the pain and continuing to pray everyday that I be healed in the most positive way.
With this pain, I am being reminded that I promised spirit that I would change my ways and be more mindful of my physical as well as my emotional health. I have spent the last two weeks praying, bargaining and meditating for this pain to go away so I can feel better.
If you are dealing with a change in your life, some sort of transition; whether you lost your job, your home, a relationship, know that the changes are happening for a reason. If we allow our selves to learn something positive from it, we can move forward. If we stay in the 'victim' mode, we will just kick up alot of unhealthy, unwanted and unnecessary emotions. Learn from our mistakes, the changes, the losses we experience and know in your heart that you need to heal before you move on. Give yourself time to grieve that loss. Then open your arms and embrace the transition that will come. Remain positive; surround yourself with positive people as well as allowing yourself to feel the pain. Don't numb it by replacing it with something or someone that does not give you joy. Allow the pain to be felt and then allow it to heal.
I know that there are transitions coming for me. Some are good, some I am looking forward to and others are needing to happen in order for me to move forward on my own healing journey. I need to face the reality of some painful things in my life and move forward. I cannot help others to heal their lives until I have healed my own. This was a tough lesson for me, and I know that this is going to be a continuous journey.
This past weekend and into this week, I sat with my laptop and started detailing the changes I wanted to make to my life as well as to establishing a presence again in the healing community. I have been away too long from it and my soul is yearning to get back on track again. I know there are many transitions coming for me and many changes. But I am ready to get back to doing what I am passionate about: spiritual and integrative healing, as well as teaching again. I need to find that passion again. I need to allow others into my life to help me with this passion. The hardest thing is asking for help.
There are many exciting things coming up for me and I want to be around pass age 50 to enjoy them. I know that this physical injury is rooted in some emotional way. When I look at the emotional aspect for leg pain, muscle pain, etc, it has to do with ny foundation and security. My world was rocked this last year with financial, emotional and physical challenges. I had been holding on to old patterns and not letting go emotionally. Learning to surrender was a huge lesson for me. Reciting the Serenity Prayer each day was helpful for me and is a practice I continue each day.
I feel optimistic that the transitions and changes that I am going through will only lead me down a path filled with positive choices, amazing possibilities and incredible awareness. This epiphany has given me hope. I feel blessed and grateful for such divine guidance. The hardest thing, is getting out of our own way to let miracles happen. Slowly, and with self-compassion, I am letting go of the need to control every aspect of my life and allowing divine guidance to lead me to the path that is unchartered. I have enough belief to know that only good will come my way.
Thank you for sharing this journey with me....I wish you enlightenment and inspiration as you travel your own journey through change and transition and onto the path of Inspiration.
With Gratitude and Love,
Donna
