Making Peace with your Past

We often wonder, is it ever too late to make peace with your past? Like most people, we go through changes and transitions. Some minor, others major. But when you are working on letting go of a part of your life, you start to reflect on the people, places, situations and incidences that you have experienced.

For example, I have had alot of time to reflect on decisions I have made in my life, especially over the last few years. I have let go of friendships, but never really gave that person an explanation why. I have ended relationships, blaming the other person and not really taking responsibility for my part in it. I have allowed myself to brush off these feelings as if they were nothing. I would rather ignore the feeling of being uncomfortable with conflict than to really make peace with the truth.

There were many times I was on the receiving end of a friend judging me; of being taken of advantage of, and I said nothing. I walked away instead of standing up for myself.

Many times over the last 15 years I silently sat while others judged and made determinations about me that were not true; but I kept silent as to not cause conflict. Where has that gotten me? It has filled me with regret and often times anger at not setting the record straight.

I always took the high road; not wanting to make waves and not really wanting to take the time to argue a point. I just let people believe what they wanted to and that was it. I have always been uncomfortable with conflict and confrontation. I would rather just clam up than to argue my point. Well, at least I used to. I've learned that its 'ok' to have a voice.

At some point in your life, reconciliation comes and you best be ready to answer its call. For me, it was like a ton of bricks being dumped on me. True, I could not change the outcome, but I also needed to accept my responsibility in all of this.

On the flip side, there have been times in the past that I did not know how to be a gracious receiver. I was always used to being the 'giver'. I am more comfortable in that role. These last few years had shown me how to live each day in gratitude.

So, what do I do now?

With it being the end of the year, I have decided to 'right the wrongs' of past friendships and relationships. I am not looking for reconcilation, but I know I need to do this. Perhaps it will help that person have closure too.

For those who have touched my life and I never graciously acknowledged their acts of kindness, I am going to send 'gratitude letters'. I have many to write.

For those who have caused me hurt, either intentionally or accidentally, I will write letters of forgiveness.

As this last post of this year, I invite you to write your own letters. If you can't send them to the person you need to, then at least write them anyway. It will make you feel better and release your soul of old hurts, of unspoken words and help you move toward healing.

I wish you much love, gratitude and joy for the coming year!
Love and Gratitude, Donna